leftovers

Existentialism in a Nail Shop.

/ Lynne / Leave a comment

So we are just two days from Surgery.  I keep running things over in my mind. Like who do I need to talk to, what amends to I need to make in case the surgery goes sideways and things don’t end up the way we hope.

I know they do thousands of these surgeries everyday across the world. This is my first open major surgery. While the fear has abated a bit it still lingers.

I had an amazing experience yesterday. I had to get my acrylic nails taken off for surgery because they need the O2 sensor to read accurately. So after a yummy bowl of Pho from Love, Peace & Pho here in South Nashville….so good! Then I went next door to the nail place and had my nails taken off.

The woman that was working on me seemed to notice that I was gloomy and kept asking what was wrong. I assume thinking I was not enjoying my manicure after the removal of the acrylic. I told her the short version of what was going one and she took her mask off and stopped what she was doing and told me about her sister who is also a manicurist and about how one of her clients had brain cancer and had a 1% chance of survival after surgery. She said the client told her sister goodbye but if she survived she would be back. Her sister received a phone call two days later, she had to have someone translate but it was the client calling to tell her she was okay.

She then told me a story of a woman in her country with no insurance that ended up with cancer as well and was okay, she told me I was lucky to be in the US with the excellent medical care and the amazing doctors and that she could see that I was a strong woman and a good woman and that strong good women are rewarded and taken care of. She said your grandmother and mother were strong too. (Never told her anything about them) She said I will see you when you get better for surgery and then…

She stopped talking and looked at me directly in my eyes as if reading my soul and said to me “I don’t know what you believe, God, Buddha, what ever, I say to Buddha every night thank you for my life and my child and my job and all that you have blessed me with. Even if you don’t believe in anything just talk. Just say what you are grateful for and you will be fine.”

It was such a powerful experience there was nothing in the room but the two of us for that moment two strangers. One comforting the other. I began to tear up, it was as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as if this stranger had been tasked that day to remove the fear from my mind. Sure I’m still worried but as for being terrified of dying and leaving this world, this life that is so undone, I’m lighter, I can breath.

I may be in state of flux regarding religion but I do believe that there is something that binds this world together that brings things to and away from us for some reason. I believe that things happen right when they are suppose to happen. I don’t have a name for what it is. You may and that is fine but for right now I’m not sure and that’s okay I’m allowed to have this existential exploration of what I do and do not believe. I believe we all have the right to believe as we choose or right to not believe or whatever. We do however need to support each other in those choices and beliefs even if they are not shared.

Who would have thought and I would find peace and comfort from a Vietnamese Manicurist?

Twenty Years later.

/ Lynne / 1 Comment

I graduated high school in June of 1992. I had big dreams I wanted to be the first college graduate in my family. I was the first to go to college I was also the first to leave college.

See I started school and immediately got in over my head. Twenty years ago the the only time I ever talked to anyone about my college path was to talk to a financial aid counselor about being declared an independent student because I had no parent or guardian living, that I knew about at the time.

See back then I choose a  degree field that I thought I wanted, there was no advisement. I ran to the arms of the local community college with not a single clue. I wasn’t ready for the commitment, the homework or anything remotely college related. I had no one to lean on, no support system that understood what I was jumping into. I was 19 and I was clueless.

I spent several semesters at the local community college in two different degree fields. I was so sure that I wanted to become a lawyer that I started the paralegal studies program. Mock Trial never prepared me for the classes I was taking. After a few semesters I met some people from a private college that told me all about campus life and how wonderful it was. I was hooked. So I applied got accepted and dove head first into a four year program. This time I only had 3 different majors. One of those majors was teaching. Something I had thought about doing other than being a lawyer.

Boy was I in over my head yet again. See in all of this I didn’t take into consideration my personal history.

See the February of 1993 I lost my mother to cancer. I felt all alone surrounded by well meaning family. I was also a people pleaser so I did what I thought I was suppose to do. Not once in the entire two years of my college experience did I have a clue as to what I really wanted to do with my life.

Truth be told it has taken me twenty years to know what I want to be when I grow up.

I think often of my 7th grade history teacher. He was inspiring. We got to choose to write a research paper or do a project.  I always picked the project.

It was in his class that I learned to program in Basic. It was in his class that I learned that I had more potential then I ever dreamed. It was in that history class that I learned to love history.

In the last twenty years I have learned many things. Of all the things I learned it was a silly Facebook game that ignited a fire in my.  I’m sure you probably saw the game or even played it. If you commented on someone’s status they would give you a number and you were suppose to share that number of things that your friends probably didn’t know about you. I got the number seven.

As I was creating my list of all the things one of those seven was the regret that I never got my degree. My sister in law commented that it wasn’t too late that I could go back to school and get a degree.  Pondering exactly that I pulled out our tax forms from last year and filled out a FAFSA to see if I qualified for any financial aid at all. While I was waiting to see if I would get any aid another friend posted about getting a scholarship to the only NCATE ( National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education) accredited online university. It peaked my interest and I took a look at the school and the programs they offered. I asked for more information and then paid the application fee and started the process not ever really expecting to get in.

So what did I decide to be when I grow up? I want to teach. I want to teach history. I want to teach history to 7th and 8th grade students.

Just a week or so later my application has been accepted, my financial aid is in place and poof I am a college student again.  My husband and I had talked about me going back to school after he graduated.  The day he graduated I got my acceptance letter to Western Governors University .

I never expected to get any financial aid.

I never expected any prior credits to transfer, but I am so happy that 19 of them did.

I never expected to be 40 years old and back in school and ready and focused and determined to succeed and graduate on time if not early.

It just goes to show you that when you decide to do something and it is the right path you are suppose to be one all the doors will open for you.

So what is one regret that you can fix? I shared mine how about sharing yours?

Retail Pet Peeves.

/ Lynne / Leave a comment

I have re-entered the retail world after almost 20 years of leaving working retail. Now mind you I was just and guilty of some of the following rules for shopping that I am going to share with you.

See part of my job is to clean up the store at the end of the night, to return stock to the shelves where it belongs. Yeah that means that I spend an hour putting those 18 packets of merchandise you decided you didn’t want right when you checked out. Now multiply that by 800 customers all day long and that’s a TON of merchandise to return each night, and I don’t get to go home until it’s done. Not to mention the ton of trash customers bring into the store. We have to clean up your Starbucks cups, your french fries and yes even your dirty diapers you can’t seem to throw in the trash. Not to mention the horror of the bathrooms. Really we are all grown ups here clean up after yourself. There is no need to smear your poop around. (Yes this really happened and yes we know it was an adult because it was spelled correctly and up too high to be a small child)

1. I am a person please speak to me in a civil tone.  I am not your punching bag. I will do the best I can to help you find what you want but if we don’t have it you do not have the right to cuss me out, yell at me or treat me like crap.

2. If you are shopping in a big chain store know that just because the ad says we carry something doesn’t mean that our specific store carries it. The way it works is as follows: Stores 1-30 sell a  ton of product A. Product A sells great on the West Coast and Mid West, it does not sell at all in the South so it is not stocked in Southern stores. The company only prints ONE ad for the entire nation. So read the fine print where it says may not be available in all stores.

3. Those little people with you are most likely your children or children you are responsible for. Please do your job and parent them. Letting them pull things off the shelves and throw it on the floor is not good manners. Nor is letting them drop kick balls across the store. Leaving poop filled dirty diapers in your shopping cart is just lazy. We have bathrooms USE them.

4. Love Starbucks Hot Chocolate and their Steamers as much as the next person but I do not love picking up your nasty cup you left on a shelf in the empty spot you made when you moved the merchandise off the shelf and placed it on the floor.

5. Yes we have a markers, NO the white shelves are not there for you to write on to test out the markers, so unless you are Banksy stop tearing open marker packages and “testing” out the color on the shelves.

6. If the store you’re in has a number system in order to help you, USE it. It’s there so that everyone can be helped so that you don’t have to wait in line. In fact most places that have number systems will use their PA system to call your number. So I promise you will not lose your spot, we will not forget you.

7. When we tell you your card was declined the first time it is possible that it was a bad swype or a wrong button press. Anything after two or three just accept that there is a problem with your card. No need to say “I swear there is money in my account I just made a deposit”. or “I know it works I just used it”. To be honest most of us could care less why your card does or does not work.

8. I am glad to help you, in fact I get paid to do it but I do not get paid to be your personal shopper. I don’t know what color blue will match your 30 year old sofa unless you bring me a sample.

9. I love Pinterest, we all love pinterest but unless you come in with the instructions I will not know how to make the cute picture you are showing me.

10. It would be great if when you come up to have fabric cut, check out or ask me for help if you would take your headphones off and put your conversation on hold.  I can’t help you if you can’t hear what I’m saying. On that same note the rest of the world does not need to hear your conversation. Remember you are in a public place no need to yell.

These are just some of the things that have rumbling around my brain the last few months.

What are your retail pet peeves?